Sunday, 2 January 2011

Who am I?

Dear Diary,

Word up diggidy dawgs ie NO-ONE!!!! Duh, cos this official 14 year old diary is TOTALLY off limits 2 all eyeballs!! I decided 2 write it online, coz I just saw the Matrix and figured that the world we live in is all a computer or something, thus meaning that the computer is the real world and I better put my diary on here 4 safe keeping. Pretty clever hey??! Did you read that, or where you looking at the woman in the red dress? LOLZ! I kept my 13 year old diary at my bestie Cyndii's house, cos she can't read, but 2 my effing horror she found it and handed it in for her maths report!! Soooo I ended up losing the first chapter of my teen years which blows bazonkas if u ask me and Mrs Bogo the maths teacher keeps deathstaring me JUST coz I said she had man mumps instead of lady lumps. Whatevs, it's true. Luckily nothing much happened last year - 14 is the year when it's really gonna start happening for Synthia J. Popp!!!!!

So - What's the plan hey?? Well,  I'm TOTALLY hangin to achieve the 3 B's ... Boys, Boobs and Bases (1st, 2nd, 3rd, possibly 4th if I can find the right equipment...). Cyndii, my aforementioned bff, is like the hottest skank in grade 9 and as her official best friend I need 2 start representing --- She is MEGA hot and tuff and has done all the bases, and I know 4 sure that EVERYONE especially twihard ho Furonda Pickleshanks wants 2 be best friends with her instead of me. Well good luck wanklebreath!!!! Coz my head is way up the game and I am gonna be the best supporting skank this year eva and I am probs even gonna win a logie 4 it.

But just between u and me my dear darling diary ... even tho Cyndii's been my bestie since playgroup, there r certain things I could neva eva tell her. Like ... well, I kinda lost my virginity, but then I found it again coz turns out u can't lose it with a tampon ... and I actually reeeeeallly like trumpets and all brass band instruments. And of course we both lurve ponies and stuff (Cyndii reckons cos of their shiny manes and massive wieners), ... .... .... but sometimes when it is almost bedtime and my house is real quiet I like to pretend that I'm a proud dappled pony called Steven Thistlewhistle the 7th and I daintily canter around my bedroom and eat sugar from a nosebag. I know this is all regular teen stuff right, but Cyndii is like way sophisticated so if she knew she may possibly brain me and/or dump me as her number 1 pal. If u ask me tho, she has an unfair advantage , cos her mum and sister r like always boning bodawg babes and my parents just work and take care of me which is pretty wack.

Anywho dear diary, I feel like we r supa great friends already!!! And I totes look forward 2 telling u more of my awkward teen secrets and my dreams, hopes and fantasies (and also all the hot goss from my school Poxy Ave State High). And I know u will neva betray me coz u love me and I love u.

Till next time,
yr 14 yr old confused yet stoked pal,
Synthia J. Popp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!